That's fine, I was being tongue and cheek on that under the table biz.

Failing that I expect to use an IBM P70 386 portable running Procomm.
(Hidden under the table of course, the modern commodity scourge of a
computer that it is)

I'd say use the 386, but it need not be hidden! Times have changed from when we took over VCF East back in 2006 and I screamed "no PCs" at everyone.

By having your own system you don't need to impose on anyone else.